Finding Eternity In Your Arms
by sarah lambert-ratliff
Summary: A young would be writer and her friends fall lucky enough to get on set for the filming of Thor Two. She finds out that the people she thought she knew well are totally different to what she thought and she finds herself dragged into the surreal world of the movie verse and in love with someone she really shouldn't be even though he loves her in return.
1. Chapter 1

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter One**

When we set off that morning myself, Frigga and Sadie we were so excited. We had been planning this for months between us. Frigga had found out the shooting times of Thor Two in London and that they needed volunteer extras for some scenes. Tom and Chris in London filming and we weren't going to go? Are you insane!

Even when we had to be up at 5am to get there in time! We bundled ourselves into Frigga's car and myself, and Sadie dozed most of the way. I was so excited to be meeting the guy I found the most sexy in the whole wide world. Mixed with a dose with a bone crushing terror that I was gonna freak out or faint or do something to make a fool out of myself. Frigga had already told me if I passed out she would leave me there. Sadie was talking about kiss raping the guy. My plan was simple, hide behind them, enjoy the body work and not say a single word. The rock music blared out of the car windows, we were chatting, and laughing, I felt so amazingly free.

Three months had passed since I had started my new life, walked away from my boyfriend of nearly eight years. Once I would have died for him, now I only felt hatred at how he had trapped me. Sadie and I had moved in together as friends, it was only a tiny place, but it was ours and ours alone. No one would ever hurt me again like he had.

Finally I was starting to feel more like me again. Happier, more carefree, with the help of some good friends I was finally starting to heal. I took the candy bar I'd had thrown at me from the back seat and ate it slowly turning my blackberry on to view my fb pages.  
It was such a simple perfect day. How was I to know that it would change my life forever.

My phone beeped as I logged on, an invite to group chat. Two of my favourite roleplay partners were online, Loki Odinson and Thor of Asgard. I smiled dispite myself, I should have known they would check in on me today.

Loki messaged me, "I am so jealous, have a great time today!"

"I will " I typed back, "Here's hoping I don't faint in his arms or throw up!"

"Lady Justine, you are of Asgard nothing should frighten you princess?" Thor wrote.

"I wish Thor," I answered, "Sighs, I am going to be feet away from the sexiest man alive. I know damn well I am going to freak out."

"What about me sister?" Thor pouted.

"Sorry I don't do blondes." I typed back.

"So if I was the huntsman?" He asked.

I laughed, "Yes if you were the huntsman I would really have a hard time knowing where to look!"

"Justine just imagine him naked." Loki suggested.

I spluttered out the drink I was sipping, "THAT IS NOT HELPING!"

Loki laughed, "I am the God of Mischief! What else would you expect?"

"Git!" I typed back, looking up I realised we were nearly there. "I have to go." I messaged quickly.

"Are you there?" Thor asked.

"About five minutes away, I swear I'm shaking." I answered.

Loki sent a heart shape, "You are strong my love, you have been through worse then this. Just remember to be yourself and he will love you like I do!"

"I agree be that wonderful charming sister of mine." Thor wrote.

"Thanks boys, will send pictures later!" I promised logging off.

How was I to know that they were not whom they appeared to be? I'd known them both for over a year, was falling hard for the sweet talking Loki. Although I had promised the blackened husk of my heart that I would never date again. Somehow he was worming his way inside. We text each other now and then, but he worked long hours truck driving. Part of me longed to ask him to drop by when he was passing.

Then again on second look, were they exactly who they said they were? It depended how you looked at things, but wait I'm getting ahead of myself.

I climbed out of the car and followed the others. Dreamily taking in the wonderous sights around of me. The lights, camera, half built buildings. It was a different world, breath taking and exciting. I lingered behind the girls trying to take everything in. I must have looked like a kid in a candy store, for I certainly felt like one.

Frigga and Sadie were talking to some people and I bounced over to them, freezing in my tracks when I realised exactly who those people were. Frigga dragged me forwards as I drew back silently. "And this is my very good friend Justine. This is Tom and Chris, I am sure you will all get along fine."

Chris shook my hand and smiled, "Greetings Lady Justine of Asgard, my sister."

I couldn't say a word, was too much in shock to even realise there was only one person who ever greeted me like that. I just smiled weakly trying not to stare. I couldn't believe I was meer inches away from these sexy pieces of ass.

Tom smiled warmly and greeted me as well. "Welcome my sweet lady.". That smile, I could have died right then and there.

Frigga pinched me, "She's a little nervous, perhaps a tour around might loosen her tongue."

"That is an exellent idea." Chris answered, "Lady Frigga please come this way."

"Your guide is over there Sadie." Frigga commented pointing to Chris Evans standing waiting nearby.

"Oh goodie, see ya!" Sadie said running off leaving me and Tom alone together.

"HEY!" I complained as Sadie winked a goodbye at me.

"So you can actually speak my dear?" Tom joked.

"Erm yeah I do." I said blushing, looking at the floor or anywhere he wasn't. How could they run off and leave me here!

"I'm not going to bite." He promised, "Well not unless you ask me to."

I burst out laughing, "Maybe later?"

He smiled and took my arm to lead me around. Pointing out the sights, filling in the awkward silence by telling me all about the scenes and the out takes they had filmed. Keeping close by me at all times, slowly I started to relax and chat back. Asking little questions and trying to engage in the conversation.

I saw Sadie in the distance with her guide watching me and I waved. My phone beeped and I sneakily read the text. "Get a room you two." I scowled at her and followed Tom as he brought me to the weapons tent.

I was in sheer heavon looking at the wracks and wracks of weapons. Running my hands over the swords and maces. Adoring the bows, and quarter staffs, oh I could happily stay in here forever! I had always had a love for old weapons, spending a lot of my youth at reinactment fairs.

Tom watched my beaming smile as I explored the shelves, he'd finally broken through the ice to find the passionate girl underneath and for that he was truely greatful. He knew that she was shy, and she didn't trust easily, so he was trying to take it really slowly and carefully. "Sadie said you would enjoy it in here." He said smiling happily.

"Its wonderful!" I said bouncing around to the next shelf of 'toys', "All this history, all these wonderous pieces!". I picked up one of the Loki daggers and traced the delicate pattern on its hilt. A fine detail you couldn't see on the big screen.

"Do you like it?" He asked.

"I've never seen anything so wonderful in all my life!" I answered.

"Then keep it my dear, we have plenty." He promised.

"Oh I couldn't, its part of the film." I placed it back on the table respectfully. Then a small dark thought crossed my mind. "When did you speak to Sadie about me? You barely had a few minutes before I came over?"

Tom actually blushed, "I messed this up didn't I?"

"What's going on here? Why do I feel like I am being set up here?" I demanded, getting angrier. I didn't like to be played, and this was sounding way too fishy now for my liking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter Two**

"I can explain!" Tom promised, trying to calm me down. He knew I was about ten seconds away from slapping him and walking out. I wouldn't take another controlling man in my life, I had had enough of that shit to last me forever.

"You had bloody better be able to!" I snapped, my fear and awe at who he was long gone now as my anger hit. I squared up to him, ready for a fight. "I won't have another man fuck with my head! Been there, done that, worn the tee shirt out, so you better start talking if you don't want me to kick your ass seven ways to sunday."

"I will Justine, I promise my sweet lady. But I can't do it here where there are other people. Please trust me a little while longer and come with me." He begged.

I nodded curtly, "You have 15 minutes and then I am walking and I will rip the head off of anyone who tries to stop me."

"Understood." Tom answered, and I allowed him to lead me away through the set to his trailer.

"You THINK I am going to go in there alone with you?" I demanded, "A strange guy, who's acting weirdly and you expect me to enter an empty trailer with you?"

"Please Justine, I am begging this of you." Tom said softly, "Do you want me to get down on my knees because I will."

Reluctantly I entered the room and let him shut us in. The room was spacey and comfortable, homely. A bed and sleeping area curtained off, a kitchenette, bathroom and living area with a huge tv and games console. Shelves covered in DVDS and games. A desk littered with scripts and papers with a mini bar underneath. "Would you care for a drink?" He asked.

"Keep the pleasentries to yourself and tell me what's going on!" I snapped.

"Very well, I am sorry if this is a shock to you. I had hoped to break this more slowly." Tom answered. He picked up the laptop resting open on the sofa and punching in the password handed it over.

The computer was open at a fb page, a conversation between Justine becca James and Loki Odinson. I looked at it in horror and then at him. "YOU?" I demanded, "A whole year, and it was really you?!" I shoved the laptop back at him. "This is a sick twisted joke, you played with me like an animal. Letting me think you were a normal guy!"

"No, it isn't I promise. I started the rp account to relax and be normal, and I met so many people there. Had such a good time online, getting away from the stress and pressures of the job, but not one of them touched my heart in the way that you did." He answered.

"You told me that you were a lorry driver, that your name was Brad! You lied to me! I cared for you, more then I should have and you betrayed me!" I tried to move past him towards the door.

Tom caught my arm, and held me there. "Please believe that I never expected this to happen. I never thought I'd fall in love with you, but I have. You have such heart, such fire and kindness, hiding away from the world the sweet and vunerable person you are underneath."

"You don't know anything about me!" I snapped, my emotional shields dropping fast into place.

"But I do, look!" Tom pulled an over flowing folder of papers out of his drawer and pushing them over. "See I read every single one, and I loved them."

I looked through the paperwork, every single one was mine. Printed off of my fanflicks site. My supernatural works, my avengers, the original vampire stuff, even my naughty slash flicks. "Oh no you didn't!" I exclaimed, I could have died.

Tom smiled, "You show such depth of characters, you honour our roles."

"Those weren't meant for you!" I exclaimed hurt. "Those were just some fun, a way to relax." I was blushing so damn hard now.

"You are so cute when you are angry, I love you my little she hulk." He said, "I am glad you know, I wanted to talk to you about our future so many times now."

"Future?! What future?" I exploded, "I'm a crazy fan girl, and you are a famous actor. We are a million miles apart. I have nothing but a 12 hour a week shitty job in a lousy school wear shop that I hate and huge debts my ex left me with. You are worth stupid amounts of money, with a million girls following you around. What on earth would I have to offer you?"

Tom pulled me into a hug, "You offer me everything I need, your love. The rest is all material crap that I don't want or need. I will give you everything you need, or want. I love you! Reading your work, writing to you all this time, I learned the real you. The adoreable person that you show to so few people. Please don't push me away, I need you.".

"Don't say that, you can't be in love with me. Stop playing these stupid game!" I shouted.

"Does this feel like a joke?' He asked pulled me into a kiss.

It was sweet and soft, with just a hint of passion. As he released me I stood there shaking smelling his spicy scent. He smelled like the earth, like cederwood, something expensive I had no doubt.

"I even sent some of your work to a publisher I know, and I got you a job here as a script editor/writer so you never have to go back to that horrible shop, I know how much you hate it."

"I don't need your help, if I am going to get anywhere, I want it to be because of me NOT someone else."

He kissed me again, my eyes rolled back in pleasure. My thoughts clouding to what I had been thinking even meer seconds before. Lost in the moment of it being Tom and me together. It had been so long since anyone had kissed me, anyone had made me feel loved. When he pulled back this time he knew he had me hooked. "You were saying?" He asked cheekily.

"Oh just give me the damn prenup to sign already." I said breathily as I pulled him down for a third kiss. I was lost completely and I really didn't care.

Tom laughed and slammed me against the wall. "I've waited so long to do this." He murmered, kissing down my neck all too sexily.

"We shouldn't do this." I mumbled, trying to keep my cool and losing very badly.

"Tell me you never thought of this!" Tom teased, "I know you are lieing if you say no, remember all those times we rp'd this?"

"Damn you Loki!" I breathed.

He unbuttoned my blouse slowly, stroking the curve of my breats over the top of my bra. I melted into his touch wanting so much more. "Damn me?" He flirted, "Maybe I should be doing something to be damned for!"

He tore my jeans away in an instant leaving me in nothing but my underwear. He shrugged off his coat and removed his tie as I unbuttoned his shirt. Running my hands over his pale, but beautiful chest. I'd seen it in pictures before or on screen, but I'd never expected it to be this perfect in the flesh. "Like what you see?" He asked.

I smiled back nervously, "Do you?"

"Very much so." He answered pulling my legs around him. He kissed me again and I felt electric in my veins. I stroked down his chest as he pulled my head up to kiss down my chest and accross my breasts. I moaned deeply, throatily as he worked his magic on my body. Nothing I had rp'd with him, nothing I had ever imagines, hell no person that I had ever been with had prepaired me for this moment. As he slammed me so hard against the wall the side of the buillding rocked. I reached down to touch him in return, but my hand was slapped away. "Don't even think about it." He commented,"I have waited too long for this, you deserved to be loved and loved completely.

"I can't just stand here and let you do this." I commented breathily.

"No you can't, you can lay there and take it instead." Tom commented, throwing me down on the sofa and removing the last of this clothing.

I lay there panting heavily as he came between my legs and pressed inside, slowly, oh too slowly moving in and out. "Oh lord!" I murmered as the sensations already threatened to drive me over the edge.

He just smiled that dazing smile and kissed my neck finding my most sensative spot making me arch right into him, driving him in even deeper. He groaned deeply, and I took pride in that little win. "Tell me that you love me." He pressed as I flew higher under his touch.

"I love you, Tom." I groaned as it all became too much. One last thrust and I lost my mind. Screaming his name, a few heartbeats later he came undone as well. Biting my neck hard enough to draw blood, it stung slightly but I didn't mind in the slightest.

He lay down on the sofa next to me and pulled my head onto his chest. I closed my eyes for a moment basking in the glory of the best sex I had ever had. "I love you." He murmered into my hair as I dropped off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter three**

Long hours passed as I slumbered peacefully in the arms of my soulmate, in that moment I had discovered an inner serenity I thought I had never deserved. Could never be worthy of a love so true, so perfect that for the first time in her life I felt safe and calm.

Sleepily I stretched and openned my eyes to see my head resting on that well toned chest. I traced faint patterns on the cool skin, pressing my lips to kiss it.

The man stretched lazily under my touch, openning his eyes and kissing my hair. "Hello sleepyhead." He said warmly.

I blinked a few times trying to come around, "How long was I out?"

Tom glanced at the clock,"About six hours, are you hungry?"

"HOW LONG?!" I snapped, head flashing upwards realising that it had grown dark outside now. I looked around for my clothes frantically. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to pass out. I must have ruined your shooting shedule, got you in trouble."

"Shh baby, its fine." Tom said gently, pulling me back down and stroking my back. "There was a break in filming, a half day off and I wanted to spend it with the woman I love."

"Oh yeah the woman who passes out on you seconds later, I am so sorry." I muttered ashamed.

Tom pulled me accross his chest for a deep lingering kiss, stroking her face. "I know how little you sleep baby, I know how much the nightmare plague you of that man (in the loosest sense of the word). How you are scared to close your eyes because you dread the dreams. I've been sat there half the night talking to you before when you couldn't rest. Do you really think I would begrudge you a few hours rest?"  
He kissed her again tenderly, "Do you have any idea how long I have longed to hold you in my arms and protect you so that you could finally sleep?To hug away all that darkness and pain inside your shattered soul so you could finally learn to live again? Justine you are everything to me! The light in my darkness, the girl who keeps me on the straight and narrow. You saved my life when I couldn't find the strength to carry on. I know how close you are to the edge, let me help you, please. Let me teach you how to live again. Let me help you find a place that you belong in again. Baby, let someone take care of you for once. You don't always have to be strong. Its okay to be weak now and then. Okay to feel, okay to let people in."

"Oh yeah I'm sure!" I snapped jumping to my feet and dressing quickly. "Every time I let someone into my life they fuck me over! Take my heart and trample it into a million pieces. Leaving me barren and destroyed, broken without a hope of being fixed again. That's all men are good for, hurting me! Don't you dare tell me its okay to let that happen again! To let myself be hurt like that again! Everything I touch has always turned to ash. It always had and it always will do!" Body shaking, tears pouring down my face, I felt like I was going to throw up. My knees buckled and I slipped to the floor sobbing.

Toms strong arms were wrapped tightly around me before I even hit the ground. Shhing me, calming me, kissing my hair and telling me it was all going to be okay, to let it all out. All the pain that I had been burying for half my life. All the emotions that I hadn't dared to allow myself to feel. I had always thought if I openned that door and permitted myself a single tear that I would never be able to stop. So I'd bottled up every dark thought and painful feeling since I was a child. My mothers heart attack, my fathers constant ill health, the death of my nan, the loss of my home, the two rapes, everything.

Perhaps I had been right for the sobs that now wracked my body seemed all consuming. The dampness streaming down my face in a wave, soaking the shirt he had around his shoulders. "Justine its okay darling, let it all go." Tom muttered in my ear as he pulled me onto his lap and rocked me gently. "I am glad you finally learned to cry again. To finally let out all of this pain, before it destroyed you."

I nussled into his neck taking the comfort I could from his touch. The sobs slowly subsided as he kissed down my neck, nipping at the pulsepoint driving my body wild even through my misery. Slowly turning the sounds of despair into a totally different set of noises.

I mean who wouldn't be distracted by the sexy God of Mischief coming onto you! As a low moan escaped my lips he pulled my face to his to claim it in a damp, but wholey thrilling kiss. This tongue tracing the line of my lips. "Fell better angel?" He asked as he crossed my face to kiss down my neck some more.

"I'm sorry you didn't need to see any of that." I murmered, "Not only a crazy stalker girl, but a cry baby as well. What a turn on!"

He pulled my face up to stare into my eyes, deep into the very heart of me. "Don't you dare talk about yourself like that in front of me again! Just remember this, to the world you may just be one person. But to one person you may be the world."

I kissed him several times, "That's really adoreably sweet." I smiled as he stroked my face, shivering at the raw passion I felt in my soul at his slightest touch. Biting back another moan as he did so, eyes closing in sheer bliss. "How do you do that?" I asked.

"Do what my beloved?" Tom asked innocently as he started to work his way down my collarbone.

"Oh God." I murmered at the touches, "How do you drive me so wild so easily!? No one has ever made me feel the way that you one can drive me so insane with the slightest touch or word like you can. Even in those steamy roleplays you stole my mind and heart. I'm never this easy, no one can make me moan like you do!"

"Maybe you just needed the right lover?" Tom suggested, "Or just someone who actually gives a fuck about you for once and not themselves! Someone who cares about your pleasure more then their own. Someone who would worship you like the goddess you really are!"

"Silver tongues bastard." I laughed, "Are you trying to get me into bed again?"

"Is it working?" He asked grinning.

"Oh no, don't you dare smile at me, you don't know what it does to me." I said burying my face back into his shoulder.

"Oh I have a pretty good idea exactly what it does." He joked.

"You evil son of a bitch, you sadistic seducer of women. How many have you lulled into bed with those honeyed words?" I asked.

Tom blushed and looked away, "Only you."

Before I could answer those simple words straight from the heart of him, there was a knock on the door. "Half an hour until you are due on set Mr Hiddleston." Someone shouted.

"Damn times up." He muttered, sitting me on the bed to dress himself. "Sorry my lady, duty calls."

I pouted playfully as I did the buttons up on my shirt taking full advantage of the eye candy dressing in front of me. What's a girl to do if he puts it in the window like that? I realised he had been talking to me for a while as I was eyeing the gentle curve of his backside. I looked up guiltily. "Huh?" I asked still distracted.

"Are you listening to me or watching my ass?" He asked.

"Watching your ass everytime, I admit it. Have a perfect rear view like that and wear leather what on earth do you expect?" I commented.

He shook his head, "I was trying to tell you that I got you a bit part in the feasting scene tonight and a medieval gown you would kill for."

"Awesome!" I laughed, "I'm stealing it as long as its not pink or green."

"As if I would do that to you!" He answered, "Come on let's get you some food, I know you didn't eat all day with travelling. You always get sick if you do."

I held up my hands in defeat and grabbed my bag from the floor. "Always was a lousy traveller even as a child."

We climbed down from the trailer, Tom helping me down like a true gentleman and stealing a quick kiss and grope of my ass before we parted.

"You be at set in an hour dressed for the scene missy." He warned.

"Yes sir!" I laughed at his retreating back. I looked at my phone, seven at night, and nine missed calls. Man was I in trouble, picking up the phone I dialed Sadie quickly to try and fix things. I hadn't thought of my friends for hours, I had been to distracted by other things.


	4. Chapter 4

**FInding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter four**

"Don't bother ringing!" Sadie snapped from behind me,"You are already rumbled."

I froze the number half dialed and shoved the phone guiltily back in my jeans pocket. "Sorry I didn't mean to worry you, I just lost track of time."

Sadie rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you did. You and Tom on a guided tour of the Thor film set on your own and all you want to look at is the inside of his trailer. That must have been a fun eight hours. I mean really all this to look at and you whole up in a trailer! What were you doing all that time?"

"Hey, you can talk miss I never met Tom, didn't know he was on my fb and you lead me here like a lamb to the slaughter!" I snapped, "Its none of your business what we were doing." I went bright red, my poker face had never been all that good.

"Hey, you never would have spoken to him otherwise! We have been planning this for half of the year. If you had known you would have run and left behind all the...oh my god you slept with him didn't you?" She finished the penny finally dropping at my reaction.

"I did not!" I squeaked going redder.

Sadie laughed, "Oh yes you did missy, so spill what was it like? What was he like? As sexy in the flesh?"

I laughed with her, "Let's see, firstly he is oh my god even sexier then you can imagine hot, pass out at just one look gorgeous in person. As for the rest, what happens in the trailer stays in the trailer!"

She looked at me closely, "I've not seen you this happy in a long time. I was just trying to bring a smile to your face, not get you laid, but still whatever works for you. He really does love you, you know. He's been going frantic these last few weeks with nervous waiting to meet you. As bad or worse then you have been about coming here."

I rolled my eyes,"Oh I'm sure the great Tom Hiddleston has been losing sleep fretting about meeting little old me!"

"You listen to me right now!" Sadie snapped grabbing my wrist to swing me to face her. "That guy loves you more then life itself. And you whether you admit it to yourself or not have been in love with him since you first met on fb. How many times have you thought about meeting "Brad"? How many times have you wanted to call him up and got scared? DON'T mess this up for both of you!"

I shook my head, "You know very well everything I touch turns to ashes. I couldn't do that to him as well, I have hurt enough people. If you love someone enough, you let them go to live a better life without you!"

"You fucking coward!" Sadie snapped,"You have a chance here at real love, someone who would worship you and you won't even try at it? You are truely pathetic!I don't know why I wasted my time with this plan for you!"

I looked at her hurt and angry and walked away without a word. I found myself at the food carts and helped myself to a few spponfuls of pasta. Picking at it as I watched Tom acting through a fight scene. He looked so damn sexy in that tight leather. He winked at me when he noticed me lurking around. I smiled back despite myself, feeling my heart warming at being close to him.

A hand on my shoulder made me turn around, "Lady Justine." He smiled in the full Thor armour.

Justine wrinkled her forehead looking at him, trying to decide if he was who she now thought he was or not. "Mr Hemsworth, let me guess that you have a thing for roleplaying on facebook?" She asked suspicously.

He smiled sweetly, "Do you forgive me sweet one? It is not exactly easy to prove to you who we are. If we had told you, it wouldn't have been believed. That's why Tom arranged for you to accidently happen on the filming here."

"Firstly you are a jerk for lying to me." I commented dryily,"Secondly I understand why you did. Thirdly don't you dare ever lie to me again or I will kill you!"

Chris smiled, "Agreed my sweet lady, I promise." He drowned me in a tight embrace, "Its good to finally meet you and be able to tell the truth, but tell me honestly sister. How are you holding up with all of this?"

I shrugged looking around me,"I am in the middle of a fantasy world, with old friends who turn out to be huge film stars. An actor who I have drooled over from afar pledging his love to me, my best friend is fighting with me. Oh, I am just PEACHY!"

"Oh sweetheart, just think of us as Brad and Jimmy if it helps you cope. I promise it will take time, but you will get used to it." Chris said softly, kissing her hair. "He really does love you angel, he would do anything for you. Hell he has even bought you a wedding ring."

"He has WHAT?!" I exploded.

Chris took a step back, "Oh god he hasn't asked you yet, I didn't say anything I am so sorry." He blushed like a little naughty school boy.

"Get your ass over her boo boo!" Frigga shouted from one of the trailers accross from us.

I excused myself quickly, only half hearing her fuss around me. Not paying much attention to the girls doing my hair and make up, nor the soft ringlet curls they were rolling down around my face as they styled it so sensually. I was lost in thoughts of spending the rest of my life to Tom Hiddleston.

Being Mrs Justine Hiddleston...

It was just too surreal, too crazy for words. I had to be dreaming, because how could any of this be real? A millionaire actor falling for a penniless shop girl? This happened in stories, not in real life. It was stupid, a childs pathetic fantasy. He didn't really love me, he couldn't. He didn't know me at all.

I stirred myself out of the dream like thoughts, when my gown was brought over to try on. It was the most fablously gorgeous dress I had ever seen. A long black velvet medieval gown with purple brocade and linings to the long bell sleeves. It was so perfectly me, so beautiful I knew that Tom must have picked it for me himself. As I shrugged it on and tied it up, I took notice of myself in the mirror. I looked stunning, even I had to admit that and I hated my body.

"You look wonderful boo boo!" Frigga smiled, tieing a purple ribbon into my curls. "He is going to love you like this."

I smiled weakly back at her,"I hope so, I really do."

"Do you love him?" She asked.

"I think I do, but I'm scared sis."

Frigga hugged me, "Of course you are my love, people have done all kinds of wrong to you. So much hurt, so much pain. Of course leaving that behind you is going to frighten you. But trust in him, trust in us. We won't let you be hurt again. I promise baby that we will stand by your side. Sadie will calm down, you both will."

"I hope so, I really do. For all of it." I sighed.

"Come on boo boo, time to strut your funky stuff on screen. Imagine how lousy your shitty ex douchbag will feel when he watches the movie in the cinema and realises the sexy bitch he lost!"

I burst out laughing thinking about his reaction. "Yeah I like that thought, him watching the movie in 3d and I come walking out on set. He is gonna be so angry!"

"And that is the whole idea sweetie, to make him suffer!" Frigga smiled.

"Then I had better rock it." I laughed, "And give him a hell of a reason to be jealous."

Frigga laughed with me,"Move it before you lose your nerve."

And I did do exactly that, the director gave me a tray of wine, bread and fruit to carry to the table and serve the waiting Kings. No speaking of course because I wasn't part of the actors union, I could appear on screen but not speak. Frigga was accross from me serving the deserts grinning the whole time.

Being that close to them both and in front of the camera was daunting, seriously so. The first take I stumbled and dropped the tray, being glared at as they reset the scene. Tom grabbed my hand and pulled me back before I reset my position and leaned up to whisper in my ear. "Relax sexy. You already slept with me, what could be scarier then that!"

I went bright red at that, and could have died of embarressment there and then. It did bring a smile to my face I had to admit, and put things into place for me. Second take was far easier, as they said their lines and I places around them carefully as shown.

Eight takes later by the time the words were perfect with the actions they wrapped the scene and I got to slope off finally. Tom had grabbed my ass twice, and Chris had pulled me onto his lap for a bear hug.

As I left the set to get changed Tom followed me and without a word pulled me into a darkened corner. Pressing his lips hungrily to mine, I didn't even try to pretend to resist. What was the point, he owned me completely, mind, body and soul and had since the first second he had touched me. I was falling so very hard and fast for this man, and I really didn't want it any other way right now. I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with him at that exact moment.

Then again a moment isn't all that long and all too quickly it would pass again and our moment, our time was over. Perhaps forever, perhaps not, who could tell. Fate was a woman and like all women a fickle bitch who liked to play her games with the heart, and this was truely one of her harder and more challenging games.


	5. Chapter 5

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter Five**

**Authors Note:** glad to see so many people enjoying this flick concidering it was done as just a bit of fun for me and a way to destress from writing serious stuff

Tom slipped to his knee infront of me, he kissed down my arm. So distracted was I at first I didn't even realise what he was doing, not until he pulled out the little black box and flipped it open. Inside was the elvish love ring I had always wanted and had spoken about so often. "My sweet Lady Justine, my little trickster goddess. Will you make a good man of this unworthy soul and do me the great honour of becoming my wife?" He asked softly.

I was stunned into silence, a day I had known him for just under a day and he was asking such things of me. I didn't know what to say to him. He reached a hand out to me and I pulled away sharply. He looked so hurt, so devestated at my actions. "I'm sorry, I just need some time to think about all of this."

He put the ringbox in my hands, "Keep this until you decide." He kissed me on the cheek and walked away.

I lingered over changing out of the costume and back into my shirt and jeans. My mind was far afield from where I was meant to be. Thoughts of weddings and a bright future crossing my mind, how things could be if I just said yes. The world I had always dreamed of and never felt worthy of. A smile on my face, I left the changing room and went to meet the group.

The ex had done a hell of a number on my mind, too many times to let me give myself so easily to anyone again. Fear clutched at my heart, mixed with self doubt, I couldn't let myself fall again. Couldn't allow myself to love again, I was too frightened to let anyone in that deeply.

I couldn't go over to them, they all looked so happy together, laughing together. A few more steps and I could be a part of all of that. One step forwards and I froze, turned on my heel and left the ringbox and a note for my lover. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I fetched my bag and went back to my hotel.

It wasn't that I was afriad of being hurt, I had been burned so many times now I had become accustomed to the pain somewhat. I was more scared of hurting him, tearing his heart out and ruining his life like my own shattered life and soul was. And even worse, I was mostly petrifed of being loved, of finding happiness, of leaving all this pain and shit behind of me. I had spent my entire life in such abject misery and pain, and enduring it somehow. Finding a way to mimic a semperlance of life. Faking it so that no one would ever see the empty, vacent vessle of a woman that I was. To leave all of that behind was like leaving a huge part of me behind. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet or in all honesty if she ever would be.

Tiredly I dropped my bag onto the bedside table in my tiny room and shut the door. I slipped my jeans off and the shirt and headed for a hot shower to rinse away the problems and pain of the day. My mind wandering over everything that had happened.

Fresh bitter tears falling to mix with the warm water. Sorrow clutching at my heart as it pounded in my chest. My breath catching in my throat, I struggled to take in air. I slammed out of the shower and draped herself in a towel, heading for the mini bar.

Ripping the top off a bottle of whisky mix and downing it in one. I didn't allow myself the self indulgence of getting drunk often, the last time I had got that wasted I had tried something very stupid. Tonight however I needed something to take the edge off the turmoil of emotional wreckage I was currently experiencing.

Half the mini bar later, dressed only in my count von count teeshirt and rocker chick boyshorts I dozed on the bed in a drunken haze. My dreams a fevered trap for my tortured mine, reliving the hellish pain of the last few months of my relationship. My ex banging on my bedroom door, shouting at me, screaming at me to let him in or else he was going to hurt her.

I slammed upright in bed screaming, my whole body shaking. I cursed myself for allowing myself to get drunk again, knowing the reaction it had on my dreams. Clearly I hadn't consulmed enough to black out completely and escape the horrors of my life.

As I sat there a few long moments, body soaked in sweat, I realised that the knocking hadn't stopped. It wasn't in my mind, there really was someone knocking frantically on my hotelroom door. I looked at my pocket watch, it was well after 2am.

Normally I would ignore any such things, but my instincts told me it was important. Staggering a little on my feet from the strong liquor, I unlocked the door to see a very stressed Agent Coulson on her doorstep. "Am I still dreaming?"

The guy shuffled alkwardly, "Hi erm Justine? My names Gregg."

I rolled my eyes at him, "I know who you are, what I don't know is why you are here in the stupid hours of the morning waking me up?"

"Are you drunk?" He asked.

"Like that's any of your business! No offense but you don't know me and I am 12 years over the legal drinking age in this country. So if the worlds not ending, why don't you piss off and let me get some sleep?" I started to close the door, but he put his foot in the way.

"Look, I am really sorry. Can I just come inside for a moment please, it is really urgent!" Gregg asked.

He looked so nervous, so on edge that my heart had to take pity on him and reopenned the door. "Come on in and I will make you some coffee."

He smiled, "Black, two sugers please." He sat on the edge of the desk as I boiled the kettle and handed over the mug. Taking notice of the empty bottles and half open minibar, reading all sorts of good things into the signs he saw. "I don't quite know how to say this to you, its difficult to put into words and express."

I sipped at the strong hot chocolate I had brewed in the hopes it would soak up some of the brandy and help me consentrate. "Trust me, I've more the likely heard worse this weekend. Seems my life is turning into some twisted fairytale life all of a sudden."

Gregg sighed and set the meg down, taking my hand very gently. "I don't know if you care or not about this, but it felt right that I come and tell you that something has happened to Tom."

The cup dropped from my hands and shattered on the floor, spilling the brown liquid everywhere. "Tell me!" I snapped.

"He found your note, he didn't take it very well." Gregg commented trying to break it slowly.

"Where is he?" I snapped.

He sighed and dropped the big news, "Currently he is on the roof of his hotel with both Chris's trying to talk him down. I came to see if you would be willing to come and speak to him.".

I stood there in shock for a few long moments as the details sunk into my drunken mind. Tom was trying to kill himself all because of me!

"I am going to fucking kill him!" Was the first sentance my drink loosened lips let out. I grabbed my jeans from the floor and pulled them and my jacket over my pj's slamming my feet into some shoes and grabbing my codekeys for the room.

"Show me where the douchbag is and he won't need to jump because I will throw the self centred little shit off the roof myself for being a stupid bloody child! I asked him for some damn time and he pulls this shit! He turns my world upside down, drops all this crap on me and expects me to cope with it! By the time I am done with him there won't be enough left to fit in a matchbox!" I swore.

Gregg looked a pale colour as he watched me get angry. "And now I know what he sees in you and why they call you she hulk!" He commented dryily.

"Just shut it and lead me or you will get your head ripped off as well!" I countered.

"I have my cat downstairs and the engine is still running." He answered

"Fine, now move it!" I said pushing him out of the door, "I wouldn't want to miss kicking his ass for him!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter Six**

**Authors Note: Oh wow my little flick has got so famous I have my very own troll reviewer. Oh what fun! I like playing with trolls. To answer your points cat was clearly meant to be car, and I don't really think you can talk about odd typos when you can't even spell correctly the actors NAME!**

**Secondly: Coulson is dead is he? Well let's see, Clark Gregg has been signed up to star in the SHIELD tv series that's currently in talks. In the Avengers, yes we did see the character stabbed and stop breathing, but we never saw the body removed, a body bag, a funeral, or even his eyes closed. The cards were in his locker not his pocket therefore we at least know that Fury lied about that to give the team a push, so what else did he lie about? There was also the fact of the weird way he was 'called' as dead. Fury says the medics have arrived, and seconds later they had 'called him' without trying to resusatate, highly unlikely. And I would have expected Fury to phrase it more like he's dead, or gone or lost. It takes a DOCTOR to call that someone is dead not a medic. So the medic would have to attempt resusatation until a doctor could get there in any case.**

**And lastly, I never actually said that Coulson was on set nor filming, just he was in the same town. So that was YOU deciding that he was on set. For all you know he could have been filming a flashback scene, the funeral or just happened to be in London and got the call that his friend needed him. As we all know the dead in films rarely stay dead. After all at the end of Thor, we see Loki 'killed' thrown into an abyss before we see a ghost of him in the after the trailer scene. Ironman 3 or Thor 2 could easily bring the same.**

**So kindly little troll go and find someone else to annoy, who hasn't seen the avengers 27 times, can quote huge chunks of the dialogue, has had tweet conversations with the actor behind Agent Coulson and knows someone who is friends with several of the cast. And now I return you to the fun of the flick now that's been dealt with, have fun people.**

The driver took us swiftly to a small hotel on the edges of the city. I sat in the back in silence, letting my anger boil knowing that I would need every single drop of it to save Tom. If I dared allow myself to calm down I would never do what I needed to. I was sobering up way too quickly now for my liking. I was tempted to stop for another drink, but there was a life on the line here.

My own selfish wants and needs were nothing compaired to that. I could freak out tomorrow when all of this was over. And he was safe again. For now I needed to toughen up and harden my heart to what tasks faced me.

As soon as the car came to a stop, I was out of the door looking to the other man for guideance. He lead the way to a service lift and up to the top floor, room 1412.

The forteenth floor and room twelve, a strange shudder went down my back, this seemed all too familier to me. The red carpet and walls, the faded gold letters. It was all too much like the hotel that I'd got really drunk on cider in and ended up nearly jumping out a window myself.

Gregg stopped me just outside the door, "Are you prepaired for this? What you are going to see? He isn't himself tonight! He is very drunk and very upset. Can you handle that?" He asked.

"If I can't then he is probabley going to die, isn't he?" I asked.

"I can't answer that, because I just donr know what he is going to do." He answered.

I nodded towards the door, "Then get it open and let The She Hulk do her thing."

He knocked quietly and the door snuck open slowly to show Chris E stood there looking tired and worried. He smiled slightly and let us in. He shook my hand and introduced himself. "I am glad you came, he needs you right now."

I could hear shouting coming from the other room, Frigga had clearly gotton here long before me and was deep into screaming at him already. "How the hell is this bullshit showing her that you love her? How is this proving yourself worthy? I told you not to push her! She's scared of you, what do you expect?! Some fairytale romance! She is a child, an insecure little kid that has had her heart ripped out and torn to shreds just three months ago! She's barely got herself back to starting to be herself again! Then you drop who you are on her AND her to marry you on the same day! She needs time to adjust and process the new date. To accept that you are the same guy she's been talking with all this time. To get over the shock of who you are really! You are damn lucky that she even stuck around long enough to play out her bit part. I'm surprised that she didn't run straight away as soon as you admitted who you are!" Frigga flumed.

I blushed not hearing what his reply was, just low talking and crying. Then Chris H's voice booming through even more indistinctly.

Chris E rolled his eyes, "They have been at it for hours now, but he just won't come in off the ledge. Its hard enough paying people to look the other way and try to keep it out of the press to save his career. I didn't know what else to do other then call for you and hope that you could think of something. I have never seen him like this before."

"What did happen after I left?" I asked.

"We went out for a few drinks after filming. Tom doesn't usually drink so it was a little bit odd when he was keeping pace with our drinking." Gregg commented.

"Then he started getting a little morbid and talking about having lost you. We thought he had just had one too many and brought him home to sleep it off." Chris commented, "He was throwing up in the bathroom and I went in to check up on him." He wordlessly held up a cut throat razer blade with a few drops of dried blood on the sharp edge.

"He was hysterical, deranged, shouting and next thing we knew he was out there. We fetched Frigga hoping she could mother some sense into him, when that didn't work..." Gregg answered.

I touched the blade gently, the dark dried blood terrifying. "Make me angry." I asked.

"Come again!?" Chris asked.

I turned on him, "Make me angry, insult me, tell me I am worthless, anything. Because if I walk in there right now I swear I would jump with him, just so we could be together. That's not going to help him at all. I need to be angry and rip his balls off. He needs tough love and not babying. Do it, hurt me to save him! Its the only way."

"But we hardly know you." Chris commented, "What on earth would we say?"

"I know exactly what to say!" Sadie commented from a chair by the window. Closing her book and placing it down icily calmly. I hadn't even noticed that she was there I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts of saving him.

She squared up to me. "You are a worthless, spineless, frightened little girl. Too cowardly to let Mr Perfect into your life and look what happened! You KILLED HIM! You are right, you are cursed. A terrible best friend, a useless lover. A broken, damaged little insecure child. You are a lousy writer, a selfish uncaring person. You will never make anything of yourself because you are too afraid to even try! You stay in your dead end jobs bitching how much you hate them, but you won't do one damn thing to try and change your fates. Its easier that way, safer, no fear of rejection or loss! You push people out of your life before they can leave you. Forfilling your OWN curse, completely and utterly alone and you will DIE that way. Friendless, loveless, empty, barren, desolate."

I clenched my fists trying to withstrain myself from biting back. That little bitch knew the heart of me, and all of my fears. Exactly what buttons to push and how to get a reaction out of me. Through gritted teeth I snapped just two words, "Fuck You!"

Turning and shoving past her, I twisted the door to the bedroom open and let the door slam back. I saw Frigga sat on the window sill with Hemsworth next to her, trying to talk to Tom, who I could just see standing on the ledge outside.

Chris H came and put his hand on my arm. "Take it gently sister, Tom's mind is far afield."

"Screw gently!" I snapped, dragging Frigga back from the window edge. She staggered back in surprise, I would have to make amends for that later of course. But for now I had other concerns on my mind. As I stuck my head out of the window. "Thomas William Hiddleston what the HELL do you think you are doing out here?!" I demanded, "Getting me dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to come and fix your blasted head yet again!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Finding Eternity In Your Arms**

**Chapter Seven**

Tom looked at me for the longest time without saying a word, struggling to comprehend that his true love was really standing there with him. It was a trick, a dream, surely? "Justine?" He asked faintly, "What are you doing here?"

I rolled my eyes at him, making my annoyance crystal clear. "What do you think douchbag? That your friends would let you do something stupid over a girl? That they wouldn't drag me up here to sort your head out?"

"I don't need your help, I am perfectly fine and I know what I need to do now!" Tom commented.

I kicked my shoes off and pulled myself up the window frame, onto the narrow ledge. "Fine is not climbing onto a ledge drunk threatening to jump after taking a chunk out of your wrist!"

"That's nothing to do with you, you made your god damned choice to leave me already. I don't need you here out of some twisted form of pity." He snapped.

I glared at him, "I asked for time moron, not forever! Kind of wasn't expecting an actor to ask for my hand! But fine you wanna die then go right ahead and jump! I won't stop you. If you get that pathetic over a girl then go right ahead! You are sat there in the lap of the Gods already. Money, fame, power, an amazing job. These are things most average people would kill for! You want to throw that away then go ahead. Then someone more deserving of those things can have them. A better role model. Cause from where I am standing, Mr Thomas Hiddleston is a whiney, pathetic, waste of space.A pullutant to the world around him. And certainly didn't mean all the sweet words he spoke to a young innocent girl just a few hours ago. He just wanted to get into her pants, just like every other guy she's ever known! Thanks for using and discarding me Tom, makes me feel amazingly love! Mr so called perfect!"

Tom reached out and took her hand, wobbling unsteady on his feet. "No my love, it was never like that! You mean the world to me. I would never want to do anything to hurt you. You are the world to me, now and forever. I can't exist without you by my side." He swore.

I looked down to the ground 14 floors down, trying not to be sick. I really did not like heights in the slightest. They always freaked me out. The last thing I needed was to faint right now and fall. "And you think if I had woken up tomorrow, picked up a newspaper and read a headline of Tom Hiddleston died in a freak accident last night, that I wouldn't have been devistated knowing it was all my fault!"

Tears falling down Tom's face now, "I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't know how to go on without you. I had waited so long to be with you, when you walked away I lost control. Forgive me, please angel."

I sighed, I wished I could be more angry right now and keep shouting at him, but that just wasn't me. I couldn't hold a grudge against anyone, not even the evil ex. "I forgive you baby," I squeezed his hand to reassure him.

Next thing I threw he was shuffling along towards me and was hugging me tightly. Strong hands grabbed is both, dragging us back into the room. Slamming the window and blocking it. I stood there holding Tom closely letting him cry the pain away.

"I am so sorry." He mumbled, "So very very sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

I looked down at him, comforting as best as I could. I felt nothing, not fear, not anger, not even pity. I was cold, numb, empty now. He had broken the last shattered shard that was left of my heart. I had nothing left to offer anyone anymore, nothing left to give. The others were speaking to me, but I couldn't make sense of anything going on around me right now. it all rung like a dull buzzing in my ears. Like my head was underwater or something, nothing felt real anymore.

As the others flocked around Tom, talking to him. Trying to get him into bed and calmer again. I slipped away from them and out of the room. My head was spinning, I thought I was going to throw up. My heart pounding in my chest like it was going to explode.

I slammed out of a back door onto the streets, hardly even knowing how I had found myself downstairs. I knew I was slipping into shock, but I couldn't do a damned thing to stop it.

The fresh air wasn't doing me any favours at all. I grabbed onto the doorframe trying to keep myself upright. Strong hands held me, digging their fingers into my arms to give me something to cling to. "Breath just breath before you pass out." A male voice said calmly.

I lend my head against his shoulder to stop the world from spinning. The battle to stay alert too much for me. The stress, hurt and potions knocking me out.

Chris Evans scooped me up into his arms and carried me back inside.


	8. Chapter 8

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter Eight**

I came too again a few minutes later as Chris laid me down on his bed, in his own hotel suite. He fetched me a glass of water and hoovered around as I sipped it slowly. "Sorry about that." I commented embarressed.

"It is fine, don't worry about it in the slightest. At least you didn't try anything stupid. I could see you were close to passing out when you stumbled out of the room. That's why I followed, wanted to make sure you were okay." He commented.

He sat on the edge of the bed next to her, "I am sorry about today, everything must have been such a shock for you. Then to have the idiot trying to pull something so stupid right infront of you. I would have liked to bring you into this far more gently."

I sighed and set down the empty glass on the nightstand. "It been a really long day, I admit that much."

Chris pulled me into a hug. "Want to talk about it?" He asked, "Shall I send out for some chocolate cake."

I laughed, "Chocolate cake at 3am is a bit much even for me, but thank you for offering."

"Some chocoholic you are, refusing candy just because its after midnight. You had better beg forgiveness of the Great Choccy for your sins." He smiled.

That was an old joke, the Great Choccy as the 'God' of the universe. Where you had to strive to eat twice your body weight in candy every day to find your way to "Choccy Enlightenment". Which was something akin to a giant version of the Wonka Land from the old film. There were only a few of us who knew about it all. I had joked around about making it a real registered religion, but I never had. Although one bored day at work I had written the ten commandments as uttered by the chocolate prophet.

"Thou shall not covet thy neighbours choccy."

"Thou shall not steal candy from babies."

"Love thy choccy like yourself."

And so on and so on, I couldn't even remember them all anymore. It had been so very long ago now. I looked at the man infront of me and realised who he had to be. "Okay are any of the rp people I write with NOT cast of the film?" I asked.

"I am pretty sure the Thorki guy you like so much isn't." He replied, "Now come on talk to me please."

I sighed and gave in, "When its daylight I am leaving. Going back home where I belong. When you push a man to suicide what exactly is there left to say after that?"

"He loves you and you love him, what else do you need?" He asked.

"Oh come on, I am nothing compaired to him. Everyone will say 'Oh look what a gold digger!' The second they find out I'm a ship girl and dating him. We would never get a seconds peace. No he is better off without me, better off with someones of his own kind then me." I snapped, "He doesn't want some stupid kid from the bad end of town as his wife. He deserves far better then that."

Chris glowered at me, "You are so far from being a 'gold digger' that I don't even know how you can think that! The first words out of your mouth before you kissed him were asking for prenup! He wouldn't have even thought about this if he thought you were that kind girl. He trusts and love you more then you dare allow yourself to believe. He would NEVER hurt you like that man did. Surely if you would have the money or contacts to help a friend you would do it?"

"That's different, completely different." I exclaimed.

"Why? Because its you not him?" He asked.

"Well yeah exactly." I replied.

"You my dear0 are a hypocrite, if your heart is big enough to help, then why can his not be? Why can't you let him in to love you and treat you right?" He demanded.

"Because I am scared, because I know how happy he could make me and I don't remember how to be happy anymore! And most of all because I don't want another stunt like I saw today every time we have a fight! I can't be worrying all the time, what he is going to do and if he is okay or not! He needs to sort himself out before I could even think about loving him and being with him again." I said tearily.

Chris hugged me tighter, "Now that I can understand. You wanting Tom to get his head right and decide who he really loves and what he really wants. But please, don't be afraid to let him love you if that is what you both decide. You two both deserve happiness and you two CAN and WILL make yourselves very happy. I promise that it will all work out in the end. You two were born to be together, a perfect fit of souls."

I buried my head into his shoulder, "I darent believe that right now, if I believe it and it doesn't happen then it would destory what little of me is left."

Chris rock me gently trying to give me some comfort. "Are you sure you want to go home? You could have a few more days here with us, you need not see Tom. I don't think Frigga will be letting him out of her sight for sometime yet."

"I need to go home, I can't be here, I just can't breathe." I answered softly.

Chris nodded, "Try and get some sleep then for the journey back. I will be in other room if you need anything."

He kissed my hair and left me to peace and quiet, to sleep in his bed. That was sweet, trust Captain America to be the voice of reason. And a total gentleman as well. Somehow it just seemed perfectly fitting that in real life he would be just like his characater. He always had seemed the sweet southern boy.

I settled down and let exhaustion take me for a few short hours.


	9. Chapter 9

**Finding eternity in your arms**

**Chapter Nine **

I awoke a very long time later to smell bacon, I washed and dressed in seconds and went to explore the nice smells. I wasn't normally a morning person, but being up half the night had left me starving. I stuck my head into the other room to see Chris loading the table with two plates of bacon sandwiches, coffee, hot chocolate and various assorted sweet pastries.

"Afternoon sleepyhead." He commented, "So glad you decided to join the land of the living. We tried waking you, but you were having none of it. We hope the food might awaken you."

I blushed, "Sorry, I really shouldn't be taking up your time like this. I know you must be busy."

Chris shoved the strong, bitter hot chocolate in my hands, "Nonsense I always have time for my best friends. Now get something hot inside of you before you pass out again!" Grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to sit at the table.

I gave in and started helping myself to the sweet goodness infront of me. Felt good to have something almost normal in my life right now. Even if my breakfast partner was far from it. We talked about random stuff as we ate. It was nice, comfortable, I found myself laughing dispite myself. Relaxing into the conversation, Chris flicked some jam at me and I threw a bread roll bacl at him.

Next time I knew somehow we ended up in a full blown pillow fight. Exhausted I flopped down onto the sofa and he did beside me dragging me into a hug. "Feel better yet?" He asked playfully.

I gave him a smile, "Yes thanks hun. You always know exactly what to say and do to cheer me up everytime I need you."

"Isn't that the job of your best friend?" He asked, "Even if your best friend isn't exactly what you expected him to be."

"I know and I'd do the same if you needed it back. You better keep in touch when I'm gone!" I threatened.

"You better not be gone for too long missy. I will miss you, we all will." He said throwing a cushion back at me.

I laughed catching it easily, "I promise that I won't, but you know me when I get my head into a notebook and start writing again."

Chris rolled his eyes, "Oh yes I do! Sixteen hours have passed, you haven't eatten all day and a bomb could have dropped outside you room, but as long as you haven't run out of ink you wouldn't notice a thing. They say that genius's are weird, but you take the biscuit."

"Hey, I resent that!" I moaned, hitting him with the cushion, "I am not weird in the slightest. I am interestingly eccentric and don't you forget it."

"Oh techicalities!" He answered as his phone rang. He moved away to answer it as I cleared up the mess we had made. "I have to get back on set, sorry sweetheart." He said as he came back.

"And I better get my gear together and head back home." I answered, "Let me know how he is, please!? I will worry about him if you don't."

Chris saw me out, "I promise that I will do, and if you ever want to meet up. Or if you ever want to get back in touch with any of us, then tell me. I can get you a train or a plane ticket to whereever we are straight away." I gave me his phone number at the door.

I took it and hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. "I just pray that he gets better soon, I can't bare." I sighed and took a deep breath, "I just don't want him suffering. I want him to be okay again, I NEED him to be himself again."

Chris didn't even get a chance to answer as Tom slammed over to both of us. "Oh I SEE HOW IT IS!" He shouted, "Sleeping with someone else the second my back is turned! So this is why you didn't want to marry me. You had someone else lined up behind my back all this time. How could you do this to me? Either of you!"

I just stood there in shock for a moment as he ranted on. I folded my arms and waited for him to pause for breath. "Exactly what evidence do you have that I fucked Chris last night?" I asked coldly.

Tome glared, "You disappear, and so does he. You are drunk as hell, and then you reappear in the middle of the day outside his room kissing and cuddling. Well what more do I need to see other then that? I know what you did and you disgust me you little tramp."

I walked up to him slowly, I looked straight into his eyes. "I didn't sleep with anyone last night, not Chris, not a soul. Its called trust Mr Hiddleston, look it up, you might learn something!"

"Oh I am meant to take just your word for it then am I?" He demanded.

"What do you want a fucking lie detector test?" I snapped, "Pretty sure you would fail it worse then I would with all the bullshit you have fed me all this time. Don't ever come near me again, don't text me, don't ring me, don't talk to me on facebook. Get the HELL out of my life and get your damn head sorted out before you make front page news for all the wrong reasons!"

As I turned away he said something I would never ever forgive him for. "I'm better off without a filthy whore like you, good riddance to bad rubbish. Who wants a trailer trash shop girl."

I turned on the spot and slapped him as hard as I could around the face. Leaving my hand stinging, feeling like I had shattered every bone in it. Then I kneed him hard in the balls, as he collapsed to the ground I walked off.


	10. Chapter 10

**Finding Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter Ten **

Nine weeks passed, I didn't speak to Sadie what so ever, even though we lived together. I blamed her for making me meet Tom and for my broken heart.I locked myself in my room with my type writer, a stack of microwave meals, a crate of diet coke and enough candy to last until the world ended, just working non stop on my writing.

Things had changed a lot for me since London. Two days after I had returned, the publisher had called me wanting to buy my stories. I had taken a few days of work 'sick' to meet with them. We had hammered out a deal for so many books, film rights and one hell of a large retainer and advance.

On top of that I had finally come into some money I was owed, enough in total to buy a tiny flat in a converted Victorian house on the Whitby cliff tops, and cheaply furnish it. I had had a wonderful time hunting junk shops for old wooden furniture to do up for my new home.

One day I just packed my personal stuff into the back of a rental car with a hired driver, and I just left without a word. Leaving every I knew or cared about behind me. Never told a soul I was going, or where or if I would be back. Posted my work key back through their door with my instant resignation, not as if I cared if I didn't get a reference or they pulled my last weeks wages now! I blocked their number and vanished. Set myself up in my new home, far from there and my worries.

I had a lovely view, my flat was in the attic of the house, it was just perfect. Everything I had ever wanted from my life and now it was mine. My first book was well on the way to being published, booksignings being booked, my passport being express processed. My very first one, scarey to think that a few more weeks and I would be leaving on a tour to advertise my and god damned exciting as well, I couldn't wait!

I lurked on my twitter and facebook while I worked solidly on my second book in the series, ready to hand in as soon as possible. My phone was on silent, the first few days people gave me some air, but after that I was getting dozens of phonecalls and emails every day. People were starting to panic that I was AWOL.

I couldn't bring myself to care somehow, I just wanted to be left alone to work and to try and heal my shattered heart. I had posted a status on twitter and facebook that I would be offline some time and that as far as I was concerned was that. I did check my emails and messages every day for emergencies, but I never answered anyone.

Mother was being her usual bitch self moaning about me being useless and a disappointment. Telling me how wonderful my ex was, such a better more productive person then me. I deleted the messages unread after the first few. I didn't want to know, not anymore. She had done enough shit to me over the years, least of which telling me to kill myself and make the world a better place. Meer hours later I had ended up in hispital with 27 slashes out of my wrists and arms.

It had been a long slow road to recovery, not that I had ever truely been myself again afterwards. It had been nearly three years before we had spoken again, I had made the effort for my 30th birthday. I would never be turning that ago again and I felt that she had the right to be there.

I had never been so wrong in all of my life, letting her back in had set me back on a downward spiral that had nearly claimed my life. She had sided with my ex deciding that when he accused me of cheating, that he was telling the truth even with zero proof. I had walked away with nothing but the clothes on my back, and a huge overdraft. I was still suing him for my possessions even now.

I had never cheated, but he had jumped into bed with my ex best friend just weeks after the split up. That was all I had ever needed to know. Even with all of that my mother still swooned over her favourite 'son' and treated me like nothing. I'd always sworn that I would walk away from her and now I had done so for good. She must have been to the house and Sadie must have told her that I had left and taken my stuff, because after that the messages grew more frantic demanding to know where I was and if I was okay. Sent one text saying 'living my life in freedom for once." Then I had turned my phone off again, and not touched it for over a week.

Sooner or later I knew that I would have to face the real world again, just right now later sounded really good to me. Tom had sent me a long email with his deepest regrets for what he had done, and said. I read and deleted it, it hadn't been long enough yet since his breakdown. I needed to know he was right in the head first before I even thought about trying anything else. My heart too blackened and charred.

Then one lazy sunday afternoon, over a bottle of rum and a whole box of chocolates I was working on a very tricky piece I couldn't get my head around and there was a knock on my door. I jumped in surprise, there was only one person I had given the address to bar my publisher, and he couldn't be here surely?

Slightly drunk I pounded down the stairs to open the door. "Chris!" I squealed, throwing my arms around him and kissing his cheek.

He laughed, "Miss me baby?"

"Like the flowers miss the rain!" He replied dragged him inside and shutting the door. I bustled him upstairs to my apartment and busied myself making coffee.

Chris looked around the place, small bathroom, small bedroom, large open plan living area with a small kitchenette. Most of the room taken up with shelves of books and dvds. And a giant desk covered in messy papers and notebooks. The battered old laptop open and the curser blinking away where I had stopped writing. He stole a chocolate from my box of black magic left open on the side and pointed to the rum. "Are you back drinking again?" He asked concerned.

I handed him a cup of coffee as he perched on the edge of the desk. "Nah. Not like I used to anymore."

Chris indicated around the room, "Doing okay for yourself? Coping okay?" He asked. "Everyone is worried sick that you haven't been online. To, he is so upset you won't answer his emails or chats."

I sipped my drink slowly, "How is he really?"

Chris sighed, "He's getting there slowly, still some good and bad days.  
He misses you really badly every single day, he is always asking us if we have heard from you. He is enduring the pain, but you know deep inside that he can't live without you."

I choked back a sob, "I can't live without him either, no matter how I try to forget him. I NEED him, a little more every single day. I miss him so damn badly, everything I see reminds me of him. I've nearly called him a million times, but I'm scared."

I broke down and Chris pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly as I cried for the first time over my lost love. Comforting me as best he knew how to. "You two really need to talk this out, you know that you are perfect for each other. You just need to get over all of this bullshit first. You know that you can do it, you can do anything you set your mind to. There are no boundries above or beneath you. Tome loves you will all his heart, and you love him with all of yours. What's the problem?"

"Sometimes love just isn't enough!" I said wiping my eyes, "Not if only one of you is fighting and he has never shown me a single sign that he is willing to fight for me. Or do anything but use me as a plaything when he wants me, and disgard me like a used condom when he doesn't. Yes I love him more then life itself, but he needs to love me in return just as much. Right now the only person he loves is himself. So I let him go for his sake, and I pray to all the gods above that one day my sweet prince comes back for me. I will wait the whole rest of my life for him if I have to."

"Oh my sweet baby, you love him that much?" Chris exclaimed.

I met his eyes, mine still damp. "I'd follow that man into hell and back if he asked me to. I love and trust him completely and after the ex I never though I could say that ever again. He gave me my life back, taught me to feel again. Showed me that I'm not worthless like I always thought. He gave me back my raison d'etre, and I'm inspired again. That man saved my life and soul, how could I not love him with every fibre of my being!"

"I will get him back to you, I promise my love. Whatever I have to do to fix this, even kick his sorry ass for you." Chris promised, cursing as his phone went off.

"Do you have to go?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, "Damn filming, just be safe please? And get your ass online somemore and get out of this room! Its not healthy to be lock up all the time alone. You need to see the outside world as well!"

"I promise I will, and I promise that I will start taking better care of myself too and stop being silly." I answered.

He pulled me into one last hug. "This is all I asl babygirl, just be yourself again. The wonderful, amazing, epic you I know that you can be!"

I rumaged around on the desk and shoved a flyer at him. "My frist ever booksigning is in two weeks, will you come?"

Chris smiled, "I wouldn't miss that for the world! You deserve this baby and so much more."

"Time to take the world by storm I guess." I smiled.

"You're doing it perfectly." He answered.

And then he was gone and I was all alone with nothing but my own thoughts again. For all my promises just seconds before, it didn't stop stop me reaching back for the rum. I needed something to blot out the pain, the sorrow that I was feeling. I needed to forget, forgive and live in the sweet memories of the only time I had ever truely found peace, contentment and happiness in my whole life, for just a little while longer.

Tomorrow then I would sort myself out. Just one more night being weak, and then I could be strong again. Or was I just fooling myself?


	11. Chapter 11

**Eternity in Your Arms**

**Chapter 11**

**Authors note: Well here we are the last chapter of the flick. I hope you enjoyed the ride, I know I certainly did. **

I was terrified, half my life I had waited for this moment. I never thought that I could really happen. That I could really make it as a real writer. I had always believed in the way that I had been brought up by my parents, that I was stupid, useless and could never be anything else. Until he had smashed into my life and shown me a brighter, happier future. That I could be more then I had ever thought, that my dreams were more then just a childish desire.

He had sat there laughing at me when one of my stories had hit big on twitter and I had started with an actual fan base and actual fan gifts just like a real writer. When I'd cried my eyes out finally seeing what I could really do, how special my talent truely is.

Today I was stood in the backroom of Waterstones back in my home town of Nottingham for my very first book signing. Watching the crowds queueing, and oh my god were there a lot of them! Sadie was back at my side, I'd finally forgiven her and our bonds of friendship were slowly repairing.

She was draped over Chris's body, and he hugged her back tightly. Young love so sweet and adorable. They had tried to hide their affections for each other, but in the end I'd managed to fix them up on a blind date. My 'sisters' Rose and Zuz had flown in just for my signing, and Rose was having a damn good go at making the moves on Hemsworth and he wasn't looking unfriendly at her advances. I saw very good prospects there.

Yvonne was there too of course, and I was promising that I would introduce her to Jeremy as soon as possible. She was holding up quite well concidering both Chris's were in the room. All of us were snatching glances at their sweet asses.

I was swigging from a can of kaos monster and handfuls of skittles, my usual posien since I had given up drinking. The sugar helped with the cravings, they were still there, but managable most of the time. When it got rough I had a roomful of friends to rely on now to get me through the pain and that was a damn good place to finally be at after so many years of pain. All I could feel as I looked around the room was so much love, happiness and support. I had to force myself not to cry at the overwhelming feelings, I wasn't used to being emotional or feeling emotions.

Rose hugged me and pointed to the little gold award sat on my desk she had given me (worlds greatest author). "Told you it would bring you luck, you deserve this!"

I nodded tearfully as they all raised a glass of sparkling wine to toast me. "Thanks guys for helping me the person I was always meant to be." I answered back.

Then that was it, the doors were openned and the next few hours were a total blur of signing books, hugging fans, having my picture taken, answering questions about the stories, slipping out a few spoilers for the next book and generally beign rushed off my feet. It was chaos, complete insanity, but I loved every single second of it.

I thought of my heros Neil Gaiman, who's book Neverwhere I had read as a child had made me want to become a writer. And to Darren Shan who I had met once at a booksigning and when Sadie had grassed me for being a writer, he had been totally amazing. Telling me that he would love to come to one of my signings one day. I had laughed and made a joke about a girl from Derby making it big. He had looked at me so seriously and said "Why not if a guy from Limerick can?". That had always stayed with me afterwards spurring me on to keep writing and keep on trying to make it.

I looked up, the room had thinned out somewhat and the queue gone now. I should have stopped signing an hour ago, but there was no way on earth I would have turned a single soul away unseen. My fans had put me where I was, and I would never forget that or any of them. I had to admit as the last fan left I was very grateful to sink down onto the table and close my eyes for a second.

Chris poked me, "You can't sleep yet babygirl, dinner first remember?"

I groaned, "Just kill me already!". I knew we had planned to go to Frankie and Benny's after, booked a large table and everything. I was exhausted, I hadn't slept for days so nervous about the signing and now it was over I was drained and nearly in tears. My parents hadn't come even though they were just ten miles away.

Yet again they had let me down, picked my ex over me. Then son they had always wanted, the 'perfect' man, not the mistake baby that I was. To top ot all off, the man I loved hadn't shown either. I had tried to fool myself that I didn't care. That it didn't matter either way to me if he came, what a blind fool I had been. Of course I wanted him there! I felt arms hugging me and rubbing my back as I started to cry. I knew they were all around me, but right now that wasn't anywhere near enough. I needed my prince at my side, my lord Loki. My equal in everyway, and perfect fit mind, body and soul.

Frigga slipped back into the room, she had been in and out all night acting weirdly. "Booboo, there's one last fan here that mixed up the time of the signing. Would you see him?" She asked.

I sat up wiping my eyes, "Of course I will!". Buised myself repairing my make up and composing myself so that I didn't look a complete mess. I followed her out of the room towards the main tills where the man was standing waiting, dressed in a long black coat, hat and a long green scarf around his neck. I didn't look so very closely, "Hello.". Similed and took the book to start signing it.

"I'm very glad you made it baby, you desevered this so very much." The man said.

That voice, that perfect voice, my head snapped up, the pen and book falling from my hands in shock. I ripped the hat from his head to see his face clearly. "Oh my god." I whispered in shock.

"Don't shout or run please, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for everything I did to you. I shouldn't have ever put you in that situation, it was cruel and unfeeling of me. All I wanted was to bring you happiness, not the pain and misery I did bring you. I can never forgive myself for hurting you. I regret my actions every single day of my life. I know now that I should have fought for you, and I should have made every single second of our lives together count." Tom said stumbling over his words. "Oh dear Odin this sounded so much better the two weeks I rehursed this speach."

I smiled at him, "Just take your time and say what you really truely feel."

Tom nodded and stumbled onwards. "I am so very proud of all you have made for yourself here. This life, your friends, you look good baby, real good. And I wanted to give you something. Seems that my fans and you were always right. They are making a Loki film, we start filming in a few months. I brought you the script and I signed it as a sort of sorry."

I took it smiling, "Yeah it will be nice to see Loki falling for a midgardian girl, one who isn't scared to kick his ass when he needs it and finally keep him on the straight and narrow."

Tom stared at me, "But how can you know? I have the only copy of the script there is and that's in your hands."

I leaned up to whisper in his ear, "I wrote it."

"WHAT?!" He exploded, "Oh my god, YOU! You wrote this, but its a work of bloody art. Its just so fucking perfect in every single way and the ending? It makes me sob every single time I read it!"

I laughed, "I had to win you back somehow didn't I? Make you remember your 'wife' again. How else could I touch your world and stand up to your brillent light?"

Tom shook his head, "I should have known, no one else understands underneath the characters skin like you can. You always did see to the heart of things."

"Love is my gift." I smirled and handed him the wrapped book that Sadie had just pushed into my hands.

He openned it and read the inscription in the book tearing up. "You really don't hate me?" He asked.

"I love you baby, even when I hate you, you know that." I answered kindly.

Tom dragged me into a tight hug neither of us ever wanted to leave. "Can I take you to dinner tomorrow?" He asked.

"I can't, I leave for New York comiccon tomorrow. As the secret writer of the movie I have a lot of unveiling to do at the con." I answered.

"Oh, maybe another time then." He said disappointedly.

"We were just about to go for Italien if you wanted to join us?" I offered.

"I couldn't intrude my love, this is your night to shine. You had these plans long before I came." He answered.

"Sweetie there's an extra seat booked ready incase you came. Never could you be an introuption in my life. I always want you in it 24/7. Nothing could make me happier then to see you waiting there for me when I leave work. Or when I go to my favourite coffee shop or visit my usual cinema! Tom I am yours, forever if you want me to be. I love you," I choked out.

Tom slammed me against the counter kissing me with a firey passion, "I always want you by my side, I love you."

I linked my fingers in his, "Then I will always be there for you baby, always!"

I pulled him after the others,"Looking forward to this Comic Con, I understand Adam Lmabert is doing the evening entertainment. Now that's a sweet leather clad ass I wanna see."

"You and me both!" Tom laughed.

I laughed, "Damn bi husbands, always perving on the same guys as you!"

The end, or is it really the beginning?

(I love you babyboy, my dark prince.)


End file.
